Sunday, May 5, 2013


If I could tell you how many times your voice rings in my ears, your name echos in my mind, your fingertips graze the back of my hand

If I could count the moments I miss you, miss us, the way we used to be before we were a definition, before we were living in the real world

If I could let you read my mind, feel my heart, would it make a difference?

I wonder how many more nights I will have to spend wondering if you're okay, wondering if you will leave me like my father did, wondering where your guns are

The guns, the bullets, the ammunition you have on me
The dirt, the lies, the secrets...

All like budding wild flowers. I'm so afraid other people will find out my misgivings. What difference does it make? Words and words and words and nothing ever comes of them.

There is a condition and I am not strong enough to put you before that.

I am lost. You helped my dreams come true. I strive, I worked hard, I dragged you out from beneath your blankets, made you open yours eyes to the light, and supported you as you climbed from the damp earth.

But I cannot walk away. As much as my mind tells me it is the right thing for you, for us, my heart just won't.

And that is why, although you don't see me trying, my insides are morphing, retching with the letters, the words.

I love you. But not ...

Friday, April 5, 2013

MEMOIR: Nipples- 8th Grade (2001-2002)

When I was in 8th grade I was wavering. I was in a battle between who people thought I was and who I wanted people to think I was. Mostly, I wanted to be pretty. I wanted to be desired and sought after. Back then I couldn’t care less if people thought I was smart. People knew I was smart and I was tired of playing that role. My entire life I had been told I was beautiful, but not by my peers. It perplexed me.

I remember being in my middle school Algebra I class with some of the more popular people in my grade. My teacher was the father of a girl I went to Kindergarten with. To this day I still have a photo of her at my 6th birthday party. When you live in a small desert community, people and places tend to connect. Alas, she is not the subject of this entry.

I did not develop physically as quickly as my peers, and looking at my mother, I probably wouldn’t ever. I started stuffing my bra in the 6th grade. I wore very padded bras and thin, sheer shirts. My bubble butt was definitely NOT evenly matched with the upstairs.

One day, I was wearing a beige, long sleeved shirt with a scoop neck. I felt comfortable and slightly sexy. The most popular boy at my school, whom I liked but felt more brother/sister with, was in my math class. I was flattered, and then embarrassed when he said, “You should wear a thicker bra, I can see your nipples.”

I laughed it off- if he only knew just how thick my bra actually was! It’s funny, the things we remember. I vividly remember this exchange. I remember the layout of the tables, the white boards to the front and side of the room, the teacher’s desk at the back of the room.

I know he was trying to save me from shame or whatever, but it was the opposite. The roundness he thought was nipple- was actually toilet paper. Looking back now, I wonder if he remembers this interaction. I wonder if he knew I was stuffing my bra and in his kind, brotherly way, he was trying give me a hint. Maybe he was warning me that he had caught on and it was better for him to pretend he hadn’t and break it to me this way.

I finally grew REAL boobs in high school. However, this simple, one minute conversation led to me start wondering why my self-esteem was so heavily based in what I thought other people thought- or what other people thought I should be and how all of that has led me through so many mistakes throughout the years. 

Saturday, February 23, 2013


Tuesday, February 5, 2013

Have You Ever Played Plants vs. Zombies?

My son is in love with this game. He is buckethead zombie.

He walks around like this, sometimes in the grocery store or at the park:

Sometimes he's even conehead zombie: (we can't get the cone to stay so he puts it on top of a bucket)

Yeah, he's cute.

Wednesday, January 23, 2013


The interview went well. It was strange. They were really nice! I think I have a good shot but there's only 2 openings in the Victorville office. I want to interview with Barstow, too. That's next Wednesday but I'll have to leave work early... Hm... I think it's worth it. What do you think?

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Monday, January 21, 2013

Here's the whole story...

Saturday, January 12th, 2013

I felt fine all day. I drove down to Ontario with Jonathan and the baby and still felt fine. Waiting in the front of Vince's I still felt fine. As soon as we sat down and all the smells hit me- not feeling so fine. My stomach was in knots. I had hardly eaten all day but I had zero appetite. Jonathan ordered a meal and I was going to take the salad and he was going to share his pasta and bread with the baby. I ate a few bites of salad (more than I wanted to because I knew I hadn't eaten much) and a couple of pickles. By the end of dinner I had barely talked and was starting to feel feverish.

We went around the corner to Jonathan's Uncle Mark's house to have dessert and catch up with family. I ended up throwing up at least three times. finally, around 8pm, we left for home. Jonathan drove this time. I had to throw up so quickly that I couldn't tell Jonathan to pull over soon enough. When we weren't going very fast, due to contruction, throwing up out of the passenger window wasn't so bad. The wind felt great on my face and it took the smell and chunks away. (Not so great for the cars behind us, sorry). But once we were going 70-80, It started flying in my hair. It was really gross. ha ha. I finally got home and got into bed. I threw up once or twice more that night. I couldn't even hold water down.

Sunday, January 13th, 2013

Still feeling nauseous, but good enough to sit through church and teach our Sunday School class. I had a cough, but I could drink water. I made it through. I went home after church and passed out. I slept on and off all day.

Monday, January 14th, 2013

My teacher was sick but I felt well enough to work. It was a slow day. Most of the kids were absent, thank goodness. The entire school, students and faculty, were sick or getting over being sick. Now all I had was a head cold and a cough, which wasn't that bad. Plus, I had a doctor's appointment on Wednesday. I got home from work and went right to sleep.

Tuesday, January 15th, 2013

Woke up this morning and thought my head was going to explode. April still sick as well. It was hard to hear because my head was stuffy and so were my ears. I could barely talk, I had such a bad migraine. Again, went home and went to sleep.

Wednesday, January 16th, 2013

It was a short day with the kids. I still had to stay for my regular hours but at least I could sit and do paperwork instead of chasing after kids. After work I went home, took Kaleb to Jonathan, grabbed my mom and Sarah, and dropped Sarah off at her clinic appointment around 4:00pm. I made it over to my doctor's office on Highway 18 right on time at 4:30pm. When I got into the office it took them a minute but then they told me there were no doctors in the office today and that Doctor Mungcol was in "the Victorville office". Of course I was angry and told the receptionist to call the other office and let them know I would be late.

On the way over there I got a call. The receptionist said the doctor would not see me because I was too late. At this point it was only 4:37pm.

Receptionist: You're appointment was at 4:15.
Me: No, it was at 4:30pm AND you guys failed to inform me that the doctor was at the Victorville office.
Receptionist: We just assumed you knew it was for the Victorville office when you made the appointment.
Me: How would I know that? I live in Apple Valley and I've only ever been to the Apple Valley office.
Receptionist: Did someone call to confirm the appointment?
Me: Actually, no. They called and spoke to my mom but never got a hold of me.  AND they DID NOT tell her it would be at the Victorville office and they did not confirm a time. However, I called last week and confirmed the appointment myself, and they told me it was at 4:30 and never mentioned it being in the Victorville office.
Receptionist: It doesn't matter the doctor said he won't see you today. I can accommodate you, though. Can you come in tomorrow at 8am?
Me: No, I work. 

And she continued to argue with me. I finally got there at 4:45pm. She STILL fought with me. She kept saying she would accommodate me on my lunch or after work the next day and I kept telling her I wasn't going to leave until the doctor saw me. I mean, really. I'm a sick patient, this is THEIR fault, and they argue with me and refuse to see me?! A patient he hardly ever sees!

The doctor did eventually see me. He was a complete ass hole. He asked my mom a question and right when she was in the middle of answering he put his finger up and told her to stop talking! WTH!?!?!!? He prescribed me a cough medicine, antibiotic, and sudafed. He asked how long it had been going n, my symptoms and if I was allergic to penicillin, which I'm not.

My bad luck continued. I picked Sarah up from the clinic. We went to Walgreens to have my prescription filled and they said it would take 40 minutes. So we went and ate at Del Taco. 45 minutes later I showed up for my prescription and they said the doctor faxed it to a different Walgreens and they had to stop payment over there and transfer it and that that would take about 15 minutes. Seriously? Why didn't they call me 45 minutes ago to tell me that. It was crazy.

I went home, took my cough syrup (disgusting) and decided to wait until the morning to take my antibiotics.

Thursday, January 17th, 2013

Took my first 875mg of antibiotics, cough syrup, and sudafed. Went to work. Felt worse than I had all week. I just felt like I was getting worse. Somehow made it through the day. Went to counseling. Went home. Took another dose of my meds like I was supposed to. All day at work I had two sweaters and two jackets, plus leggings on under my pants. And I was shivering still. I was so cold, I must've had a fever. My arms and legs were tingly, though. Went to sleep.

Friday, January 18th, 2013

I woke up to get ready for work optimistic that my meds were working. Kinda. I didn't have a fever anymore but my head was still hurting for the third or fourth day in a row. I went to the bathroom to poop. I took off my pajama pants but when I was reaching for my jeans everything got super bright. I was dizzy and I forgot what I was doing. I could tell I was about to faint so I leaned my body over the bathtub so I wouldn't hit my head on the counter when it happened. I couldn't see anything and I couldn't hear anything. I desperately wanted to call for help but I couldn't. I don't know how long I was like that but I woke up gasping for breath. I pulled up my underwear and crawled, literally, back into bed. I called for my mom and she helped me drink some water. She brought me the phone.

I called the IEHP Nurse Advice Line and they told me I may be dehydrated. I was instructed to drink some water and try to eat something and to call back or go to the ER of things didn't improve. This all made sense since I haven't been able to eat much all week. But I had a funny feeling I shouldn't be taking those antibiotics.

I found out that the specific antibiotic that the doctor prescribed for me has side effects that make all of the things I am being monitored by the doctor for- worse. Easy bruising, fainting and dizziness, low platelets, and when you have a viral infection (like my HSV I) it creates bad outbreaks. None of this was discussed. I should never have been prescribed this medication. As a result I have 6 cold sores on my lips and one in my nose. IN MY NOSE! I've never EVER had this bad of an outbreak. Stupid "doctor" just wanted me out of his hair. I am in so much pain. Cold sores are no joke.

THE most unflattering photos ever! Revenge of the cold sores Jan. 2013.

Revenge of the cold sores Jan. 2013.

Today, January 21st, 2013

I feel much better, aside from the pain and annoyance that comes with cold sores. Let this serve to remind you to avoid promiscuity and kissing people with herpes. Unfortunately, I got them from my aunt as a child. Poor Kaleb has gotten them from me. It is very easy to pass along. Also, don't force your doctor to see you, he just might end up making you feel worse.

Pictures of my nasty outbreak to come!

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Friday, January 18, 2013

I got a couple of calls for an interview!

Someone called the house phone and asked for Nicole.
My mom told them there was no one by that name.
They called back.
My mom didn't answer.

They called my cell phone.
She said she accidentally asked for the wrong person last time she called.
She said she was calling from Adult Protective Services in the Victorville office and wanted to know if I would come in to interview on Wednesday for the Social Worker II position.
I said yes.
Then she called again a couple of hours later and asked if I wanted to interview for the Social Worker II Trainee position.
I said yes, but that I was already interviewing for the regular II position.
She said she thought my name looked familiar.
Ha ha.

Interview. Wednesday at 1:00pm. Hopefully I can sneak off and do it during my lunch!
Yay me!
My test results aren't even in yet!

I Haven't Dropped Dead...

...even though my doctor was seriously trying to kill me with antibiotics that had me slumped over the bathtub while trying to relieve my bowels this morning. Seriously. Please, give me something to make my low platelet count even lower. Please. I LOVE fainting while pooping and having to miss another day of work.

Thanks, Dr. Mungcol of Choice Medical Group.

I'll explain more later. This is the first time in a week I've been able to sit at the computer longer than 5 minutes and I think I'm going to take it easy.


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Tuesday, January 15, 2013

Sicky McSick Sick

I know I haven't been updating. I have a bad stomach bug. Wish me well and I hope you don't get it!


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Friday, January 11, 2013

Are you disappointed?

I don't feel like blogging tonight.

But it's on my list.

. . .

So here it is.

This is a photo of my baby. He's cute. :)

Kaleb 8.13.2012 (20 months old)


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Thursday, January 10, 2013


I live in the High Desert in Southern California.
The only way out is Interstate 15. 
I had to drive south down the Cajon Pass to get to the testing center in San Bernardino.
I had taken the day off from work (without pay- I think).
There was no way I could make it up tomorrow morning.
I took my little sister to school at 7am and it was ugly.
I woke up about an hour later and it was a freaking blizzard!
In the desert.
I hate snow.
But the pass didn't close and I just missed escorts.
I arrived to my test on time.
It was difficult.
We'll see in 4-6 weeks how I did.

Until then...
Keep warm.

Snow in the desert. 2011

Only photo of me in the snow. Jan. 10 2013.

The kids sure loved it, though! Jan. 10, 2013.

Stupid snow.


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Wednesday, January 9, 2013

My interview/ county testing is tomorrow.

That is all. 


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Tuesday, January 8, 2013

I Chase Kids For A Living

I work at a non public school for Emotionally Disturbed and Handicapped kids. My school is in a business-y area,  right next to a huge car wash. I have to wonder what these people think when some crazy woman comes up and grabs a kid... dragging him kicking and screaming back to a drab building. Ha ha. It makes me laugh. In all legality, though, I am Pro-Act certified and I don't actually drag them, I escort them by holding them by the meaty part of their arm and forearm. Still funny.


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Monday, January 7, 2013

I Was Not Suspended or Fired

Yay! BIG sigh of relief. My VP keeps picking on me but my teacher has offered to have a meeting with the principal to discuss VP's attitude toward ME! Yay! I'm not insane :) Enjoy your night. Off to study social work. 


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Sunday, January 6, 2013

I've Been Called Into the Principal's Office

And I can't think about anything else. 

After school on Friday-
Secretary (Mrs. T standing next to her): Can you meet with Mr. C and Mrs. T at 7 o'clock Monday morning?
Me: Sure. (Look at Mrs. T) Why what's up?
Mrs. T: I'm not even remotely prepared to talk to you about that right now.
Great. So she gets to prepare all weekend and I get to wonder if I'm getting fired or suspended. She hates me. I don't know why but she hates me. And it makes me really sad because I do really great work. I work hard for the kids and I try to be as helpful as possible to all of the staff. It seems the good guy (girl) is losing again. :( I hope it's just about "my attitude" or something stupid like that.

I feel like this album cover I found. It is an album called Worried Sick by Worried Sick:


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Preparing for my interview on Thursday.

Let me start by saying I love my job. I work with 13 emotionally disturbed BOYS and they are wonderful! I see promise where most people see jail and death. But I don't get paid enough to pay all my bills, too much for cash aid from the state, and soon, too much for food stamps. AND I'm not actually working in my field. I have a BA degree in social work and nearly no paid experience in Education. In October a friend of mine referred me to a promising job at the County, making nearly twice as much or more money per month. I couldn't pass it up.
I applied and have been approved for testing and interview. The test is scheduled on 01/10/2013. I am studying my butt off and preparing for my first real social work interview since my internship interview. Here goes nothing...

I found the following questions at

Sample Interview Questions

Tell me about yourself.

Why are you interested in this agency?
How does the work in this organization fit your professional mission or experience?
Why do you want this job? Why do you want to work for this organization?
What are your experiences with the target population?
Why do you want to work with this target population?
What are your qualifications?
What kind of supervision do you expect?
How has your education/work experience prepared you for this position?
What do you hope to accomplish at this agency?
What would you like to learn here?
Have you done this type of work in the past?
What issues might you have with [adoption, for example]?
What schedule will work for you?
What are your career goals? For the next 3 years? The next 5 years? The next 10 years?
What are some of your strengths? Some of your weaknesses?
How do you define success for yourself?
How do you plan?
What is your work style?
How do you work with others?
Tell me about a time when you had to juggle your regular responsibilities and deal with a sudden priority?
Are you a leader ... a follower?
Describe the process you go through in developing a [case plan, budget, workshop, contract, or marketing plan, for example].
Describe your supervision experience? Supervision style?
What is your ideal position and career path?
Is there anything you would like to say to close the interview?
Do you have any questions? YES–You should always have questions.

Sample Direct Practice Interview Questions

What is your understanding of service delivery in [a particular field or region]?
Tell me about a time you were in a disagreement over a treatment plan.
What has been your experience with agency paperwork and how do you feel about it?
How will you deal with the dual-relationship issues of working in a small community?

Sample Community Administration & Leadership Interview Questions

What type of research skills/computer skills do you have?
What specific policy issues are you interested in?

Sample Policy Interview Questions

How do you handle shifting priorities and working in a fast-paced, pressured environment?
What is your experience with writing quickly, under pressure?
What do you do to keep track of a lot of information at once?

Program Development Interview Questions

How would you go about locating community resources in a neighborhood in which you have no relationship?


 The same website offers information on what is called an elevator pitch. It says "*An elevator pitch is an overview of an idea for a product, service, or project. The name reflects the fact that an elevator pitch can be delivered in the time span of an elevator ride (for example, thirty seconds or 100-150 words)."
Here is mine:

Name: My name is Britney Sinclair
Profession: Currently, I work in education but I have a BA in Social Work.
Where I am from: I was born and raised in the high desert, except during my schooling at Cal State Los Angeles.
Most recently I have been working: I am currently employed as a Teaching Assistant at a non public school for emotionally disturbed and severely handicapped kids ages 5-22.
My career history includes: fast food including McDonald's, retial including Bath and Body Works, public education at the Victorville City Library, volunteer at Aids Service Center in Pasadena, Emergency Response Intern at LA County DCFS, and now in education.
My greatest strengths are: My passion, my work-ethic, and my thirst for knowledge.
Examples of how I have used my strengths include
My goals for the future/I am currently exploring: are to be gainfully employed as a Social Worker and eventually earn an MSW, PPS, and LCSW.
Something you can't read about me on my résumé: I love pets and animals as much as I love people! I have seven pets including dogs, cats, and a pot-belly pig. I think pets are a huge part of peoples' families and attachment to pets is often overlooked by some professionals.


Also, I found some great interview tips on a fellow Blogger's page. Her name is
Dorlee M, MBA, MSW, and she must have worked very hard on this blog! I thought it would be good practice to write my thoughts out so I can be more articulate in my interview. Please, bear with me as this Blog will be continually updated.

Other questions I feel they may ask... 

What are some indicators of child maltreatment?
It depends on the type of abuse. Some signs of physical abuse might be unexplained marks like bruises and/or breaks in odd places, bite marks, burn marks, etc. Neglect may take form in lack of supervision, malnutrition, poor hygiene, inappropriate dress, unmet medical needs, abandonment, etc. Sexual abuse may be indicated by torn or bloody underwear, pain or itching, bruises, or scratches in the genitals, yeast infections, urinary infections, or other STDs, and knowledge of sexual acts.
What are the common signs of child maltreatment?
How does one recognize physical abuse?
What should I do if I think a child has been abused or neglected?
What if the person causing the harm or neglect is someone I know? Can I call anonymously?
What information do I need when I make a report?
How do I know that Children Services is investigating my report?
What information am I entitled to?
Why should I get involved?
What does the social worker do?
What are the criteria for reporting suspected child abuse/neglect?
Information needed when reporting:
What happens when I report child abuse?
Who should report allegations of abuse or neglect to Children and Family Services?
What should be reported to Children and Family Services?

Thursday, January 3, 2013


I lost my son's favorite movie. The movie he cries for in the middle of the night and cannot sleep without. Yes, I lost it. 

Not only that, but Kaleb had torn up the original case and Robots was now sitting in the case for Neverending Story I & II. 

Have you ever tried looking for something that is in a different case? It's nearly impossible to trick your brain into finding Neverending Story instead of Robots.

I searched and searched. I had my mom thinking she had done something with it in her sleep. Almost a week passed by. I checked the Christmas decorations, under dirty clothes... I found a missing binky in the stroller. But no Robots.

Finally, it was the night before I had to return to work. I knew I couldn't give up until I found Robots, or Kaleb would be keeping me up all night. It took about 20 minutes. I found an open box of lighters jammed between the wall and my dresser. I found several OTHER missing DVD cases, including the damaged one FOR Robots (which doesn't help when your toddler sees it). I found a sippy cup.

Almost about to give up, I reached under the bed... Yes, that's hard, rectangular plastic... definitely a DVD. I closed my eyes as I pulled it out... Just a peek. YES! I literally yelled and threw my hands up in the air in a victory yelp! 

And this happy song and dance ensued....


And yet, Kaleb STILL managed to keep me up until almost midnight. Then I woke up at 2:30 am. Needless to say it is past my bedtime tonight. 

I hope you enjoyed my mom victory moment- and I would LOVE to hear yours. Leave me a comment and/or a link to your blog and I will most definitely stop by.



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Wednesday, January 2, 2013

New Year's Day 2013

What did you do on January 1st, 2013? I went to my father-in-law's house and played a great new game called Quelf! We played from around noon to after 5pm! We played three games. 

Here are a couple of videos from our play :)

My other SIL had to do something silly that I didn't catch and my SMIL had to sing I'm A Little Teapot. (She didn't know the words so I helped her).

I had to do this:

And... My sister-in-law's boyfriend had to tap dance while telling us an embarrassing memory from his childhood.

Here are a couple of photos from our play :) 

My sister-in-law had to put the game box lid in her shirt for the rest of the game. Her boyfriend had already had to wrap his hand in foil. Cute couple <3 p="p">

My husband had to find something with a chin strap and keep it fastened for the rest of the game.

Hope you had as much fun observing as we did playing! Pick up this awesome board game! 

To see the rest of the videos, visit my Youtube channel at the link below.


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