Monday, June 11, 2007

A cool page I drew with pen.

June 10th-11th, 2007.

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Saturday, June 2, 2007

Happy Is Good But It Makes Lame Poetry

June 2nd, 2007.

#1
Let's start over again. Hi, I'm Britney with a smile. I cry. I hide. I keep the pain inside.
Hey. I'm Jon with an awkward gesture. I fly. I lied. And I just try to survive.

L to the AM and back to the E. lol. What can I say?

#2
I feel happy again
Like when it all began
Smiles lingered
Nothing hindered
And the love only deepened

I'm letting go of the past
To make sure we last
Apart is too hard
Only end up scared
It's no good to end in a cast

#3
Just look at this fork as Just a bend
Or not even that. we can Only survive if we
Never stop trying. you are my Number one.
and
Because of all this love you've shown. Baby, we're gonna make it!
Reality and rules are no match for our Real love. They can stick
It up their a$$es cause I know
That we're meant to be Together
Nothing will ever tear us apart
Even if they try. Do
You believe me? Good!

A page from my notebook. 2007

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Monday, May 28, 2007

When I'm Left Alone

May 28th, 2007.

Has your heart ever pounded so fast and so hard that you felt like you swallowed Thumper?
Have you ever stayed up all night looking for someone's MySpace just to stare at it, waiting for it to tell you their secrets?
Have you ever gotten the urge to throw up when you heard a specific name or past event?
Have you ever hated a complete stranger so badly you just wanted to meet them once so you could rip their ugly, poofy hair out?
Has your body ever exploded into so much emotion you really had no idea you were crying?
Has a night ever passed where you wished on every planet and even the moon cause the stars just weren't big enough?

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To Be or Not to Be... DRUNK (Scribble Page)

May 28th, 2007.

TO BE SOBER
Is to look at things with an unclouded mind and to trick yourself

TO BE DRUNK
Is to look at things and and except them at face value and there is no sugar to coat the bulls**t.

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I love you so just kill me now!

A page from my original notebook. 2007

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"I'm not going to hell- I didn't cum." -BKay

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A quote by Jonathan






"The abyss- is bigger than my shower." ~Jonathan Sinclair

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Saturday, May 26, 2007

Scratch Page

May 26th, 2007. 

"Who's hands will I be in when I die? I'll be in mine. Jesus save your soul, I'll save mine."- Jason of Liberty Valance

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"Candy coated death, laced with crystal meth... It's like suicide to look into your eyes... That's where my secrets lay at ease... Take my life, drink me dry, eat my soul from the inside out. Swallow me, suddenly my veins run dry."-  Cassie Steele

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ONCE I'M DONE CRYING MY TEARS ARE YOURS
MY PAIN IS FOR YOU TO SORT THROUGH

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And now we've found the eye of the storm, the calm
Just a little while longer and we'll have to survive again
Or are we standing outside of the tornado
Watching and feeling it grow as it gets nearer
Because if that was the storm...
This is gonna be easier than I thought

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June 2nd, 2007.

Things will get better. I'm tired of playing these games on myself. It's time to put the pieces away and stop playing in a nightmare and wake up and actually live in this dream I've stumbled upon. My dream. It's just that sometimes I don't think dreams really do come true. Then you sing that song called, "I love you, baby" and I realize just how wrong I can be.

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Friday, May 25, 2007

Permission

May 25th, 2007.

Do you mind?
If I sit in your lap
Curl up into your chest
And start to cry
Would you care?
If I hold you too tight
And pretend it's okay
That your hearts not mine

Can I be more?
Than what I am now
What she was
And apparently still is
Could we run away?
Be there with each other
Forget about the life
That only kills

Want to be mine?
For always and ever
Caught in the cycle
Of tears never-ending
How can we make it?
If you make it so difficult
Work with me here
I'm breaking from bending

Do you mind?
When I lie to you
And say nothings wrong
Even though you already know
Would you care?
If I wanted to be more
Than your second choice
Or best in show

Can I be more?
Than just temporary
Just a comparability
Like I feel I am
Could we run away?
Not turn back for a second
Believe that true love exists
And do all that it can

Want to be mine?
Make new memories
And let the old ones fade
As you forget places and names
How can we make it?
If you're still holding on
No matter how we grow 
It all stays the same

~ I love you more than I knew


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Call Me Crazy/ IV

May 24th & 25th, 2007


I can't figure out how to breathe without your air supply
I keep trying to unplug the life support but the nurses stop me
I try to kick the IV addiction but I can't remember how to live, to function without it
Once I thought I made it to the door when you hypnotized me with your generic oxygen and led me back to my bed
My heart no longer beats with yours but you are still the blood flow
The poison from your perfect lips' medication is sweeter than the candy of your tired arms
Choose my life next
Take the pain away with you when visiting hours are over
I, I tried to recall your name, death
They all called me crazy, called me crazy, call me crazy
But I remember and I believe in you

A photo of the actual notebook this poem was written in. 2007


They all wear masks, am I really that contagious?
I try to ask but you're back and the needle is so familiar and the taste of its poison in my vein is like no other
Into a dream, a nightmare of fixed reality but still I see the paper gowns and I still see you
If you just touched me I'd wake, or fall even deeper into the pool of pills and syrups you've been feeding me
Either way, I long for the comfort of your cloak, the serenity of your silent savior
Each step closer makes my body convulse in the simplicity of being frightened of my dependency



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Thursday, May 24, 2007

"It All Fades" & "Headlights"

May 24th, 2007.

 

Headlights

And it's nights like these
After I can't cry anymore
I wish I was stupid
So I couldn't possibly know
And we're driving to your house
The silence pushing the knife closer
Your touch gives mixed reactions
The headlights of the semis are so inviting
And I wonder if you'd love me if you actually killed me
I almost welcome it, death
I thought about all this so long ago
Just never had the courage to write it down
Don't wanna let you down
To think I'm so depressed
Cause then I wish we'd die together
And everyone would think what a tragedy it was
That two lovers died together
And they'll forever think you loved only me
And I loved only you

It All Fades [as written, all lower case typos are on purpose]

A dream of comfort becomes a nightmare of reality. As the sedation and the intoxication of love sinks away. And I remember all the lies we told. And the truths behind them all. And how we never really believed it was true. It's all the same. The truth. the lies. the pain. the smiles. all the same in the end. It all becomes memory anyway. And it all fades. It all fades. Enjoy the infatuation. as it turns old. And you can no longer see the light where you once thought you had it. It's too hard to replace the laughter. And the secrets you withheld from me. And how you never really hid them that well in the first place. It's all the same. The truth. the lies. the pain. the smiles. all the same in the end. It all becomes memory anyway. And it all fades. It all fades.

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Sugar Coated

May 24th 2007.

Wonder what would happen if you had the chance to go back
I know you would so just cut the freaking crap

Rhymes are lame! Stupid Girl.

Nothings changed
You say people don't-
Guess you proved your point

It's not me it's her
And it steals my smiles
So you know where to find them

I'll let you string me along
But only a little longer
Until it's drained of interest

I thought it was better now
It's just that I'm numb
And the pain is so familiar

Domestic Violence

May 24th, 2007.

Killing me slowly
Will I rise from the grave
To find you again

Beat me now
I can take it
A wound is just a wound

F***ing push me away
I'll come back
Like a puppy dog

I want to be more
I need to be more
Can I be more

But a heart is a heart
And I want yours
It's only fair

Like a b***h
I want more
If that's what you want

Tuesday, May 22, 2007

Let Down- A Song

May 22nd, 2007

When you're as high as you can get the only thing left is to fall
  Let down, let down, fall down, fall down
 Feelings never stay at a constant level, whether high or low
  Let down, let down, fall down, fall down

Four minutes too late, you've already lost me, I'm sinking, and hurt
Your apology means nothing, when everything is nothing, too much
But I accept and all is normal, you're still my hero, for this night only

Tell me you love me, I'll be fine if you believe my lies, we can still be
Nothing is wrong, I mean it this time, because you're holding me
But I will wake at sunrise, warm to the chill, and remember to live again

When you're as high as you can get the only thing left is to fall
  Let down, let down, fall down, fall down
 Feelings never stay at a constant level, whether high or low
  Let down, let down, fall down, fall down

Your voice is never enough, I crave your skin, your sleep, my dream
Pictures are my only comfort, when we are apart, only a city between us
So I suppose it's not that bad, what do you think?, it's only for tonight

Miss you the most when I'm not awake, can't take it, mistake
 Let down, let down, fall down, fall down
If only I could continue to dream, hell it seems, scream
 Let down, let down, fall down, fall down

Four minutes too late, Have I already lost you?, sunken, and hurt
Your love means everything, when everything is life, I live
But I hang up and cry and all is normal, you're still gone, for this night only

When you're as high as you can get the only thing left is to fall
  Let down, let down, fall down, fall down
 Feelings never stay at a constant level, whether high or low
  Let down, let down, fall down, fall down





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Thursday, May 17, 2007

Gaps

May 17th, 2007

Are the gaps in the generations really as big as we make them out to be? Honestly, I don't think so. Of course, generally, they didn't dress or speak like we do today. But one person -and inevitably their friends- making a group of people dressing, acting, speaking, and listening differently than all or even most- or some of those around them. And although it is not my original idea, I completely agree that eventually underground styles and music become, well, overground, or what's popular. It only takes one person to accidentally set a trend and it take off to national status. 

I remember in 6th grade I cut gum out of my hair which left a bunch of little hairs that stood up. I was so embarrassed. To hide it, I took a piece of my hair and pulled it back with a clip. I was teased for this style but by the time I got to high school everyone was doing that or the little bump thing in their hair (which was popular in the 1950's). All of this returns to the idea that there is nothing left to do so we turn to the past and use simple variations to put a modern twist on it. Which, by the way, isn't different- but new, or fresh all the less.


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